Mindful Allowing

 
This week I cover the concept of ALLOWING as a way of showing our love to others. Defined as “letting someone have or do something” and “giving the necessary time or opportunity for”, allowing involves letting another be as they are, without our undesired involvement. For some of us, this means stopping ourselves from regular and patterned responses of enforcing our ideas and opinions, and in so do, giving the other space to safely be all who they are with their unique wants and needs.
 
When we are not allowing another to be or feel as they are, we are essentially sending a message that says ‘I am not happy with who you are, what you are feeling or what you are doing right now’. This will leave the one we love feeling unsafe to be and express themselves freely around us. We could end up creating an environment where our controlling behaviour causes our beloved to shut down, diminish their light and their spontaneity, and withdraw from opportunities to be their fullest selves. They may give up parts of their lives that they love, or stop doing what they need to feel whole and healthy within themselves. They may try to change for us, rather than for themselves. When a partner gets caught up in doing things out of fear and in order to meet our needs, expectations and demands, feelings of distress, resentment, emptiness, discontent and apathy are likely to arise. They lose their zest for life and become less of who they desire to be.
 
Allowing another to be themselves means we actively and consciously choose to work on the thought patterns that reduce our ability to let another be as they are. When we get caught up in trying to control another, we do this through our judgements of their behaviour and through our attempts to persuade, coerce, advise or change them to do something or be someone who we think or believe they should be. Becoming aware of when we are caught up in controlling thoughts and actions means recognising when we thinking that we know what is best for them or that our way is better than their way. It means stopping ourselves when the urge to persuade or coerce arises and saying no to our own ideas that this other needs to change according to our view of what is right, best, or wisest.
 
When we let go and allow another to be, they flourish and thrive. They may begin to create the life they long for and in the process show us that our interference was part of what was making life harder.